Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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