Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
