In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
