I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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