I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize