In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
