he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
