Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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