Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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