wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
