we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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