I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
