now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She bit a glass in half.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
