I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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