...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
