It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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