I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Duck Duck Cougar?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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