Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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