that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
