8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
