How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
