Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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