So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
