i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Damn victory sex feels great
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
