I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
