i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
