Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ladies don't puke and tell
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
