I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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