Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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