Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
