handjob tips. give me some.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
