I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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