Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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