I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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