Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
