he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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