God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
