O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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