There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
