I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
