Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
