I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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