He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
