I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't deserve a penis
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
