and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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