I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
