and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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