Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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