I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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