if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
