i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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