saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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