found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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