You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
