Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
