I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
