From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
