drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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