At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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