I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
