I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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