when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
